I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
