I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Less talking, more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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