Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
