here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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