I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
