i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
