She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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