yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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