Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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