She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
