she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
