I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
