you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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