you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
