so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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