I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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