Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just want nice things and good sex
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize