The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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