I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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