Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
