i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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