it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
3pm strippers are depressing
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
