just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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