You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
