Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
