being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize