used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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