When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
