why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
