I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
