watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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