I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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