mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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