i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
