I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
