I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
