just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
