I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
