Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize