That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There's always time for handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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