See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
