nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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