There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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