the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
