Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
