i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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