I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
