at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
