peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
