i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Couch. On fire.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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