You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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