Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
