Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
