MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
