if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
