I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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