my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
