I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
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I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
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Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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