things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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