If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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