hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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