i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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