I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
