Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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