I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
