And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
