party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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