Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
