I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
