She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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