I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
