I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I touched a dick in church today
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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