that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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