Just took my morning after pill in the library
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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