Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
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My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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