the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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