Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
