You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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