what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
